Wanted Cheap Manly Car

My brewer husband is not only a brilliant beer creator, but also let’s just say very fiscally wise.  He comes from a family of numbers.   His mom is now a retired accountant and his Dad has a PhD in math.   It is in Kevin’s genetic code.   I like to shop while he likes to save so we balance out perfectly and apparently have started to influence each other.   This is perfect when it comes to big purchases like a house, appliances, and in this case a car, because we meet in the middle.  Not to over the top expensive and not so cheap we are living in a tent.    

Since the vehicle that Kevin primarily drove has died, we must purchase another one.  My main criteria (other than the usual reliability and safety) for this next vehicle is what I refer to as the manliness factor.   I am not a car snob by any stretch of the imagination.  It has nothing to do with the cost of a car, but more with its rugged nature and power.    When Kevin and I first met he was driving this big old Ford truck with two gas tanks, several dents, peeling paint, and crack sun bleached dashboard.    He looked pretty sexy driving it and that comes from my deep rooted WV genetic code.  Truck = Sexy.   Growing up where you have a lot of mountains, snow, and mud you need a vehicle that can tackle any job.     I hated when we got rid of that truck, but growing family we needed something bigger.     Kevin actually drove our mini-van for a while, and that has manliness written all over it, says “man loves his family enough to drive a mini-van” and that is sexy.   When our work commutes changed and he had the longer drive he started driving the more fuel efficient Subaru Forrester and sadly him driving it did not have the same manly sex appeal and attractiveness as did the old white Ford Truck.   The Subaru dying now made it a necessity to get a new vehicle.   I am on a mission to find a vehicle to bring back a little of that old truck sexy spark. How hard could it be to find a “fiscally wise” and “sexy manly car “possibly be?     Really hard.

It is amazing to me that people are willing to pay 30Kplus for a new car!!!   Really?   Why?   Don’t get me wrong I want to be Kevin to be the sexy cool kid too, but at what price.    I could see maybe if I was some multi-billionaire and 30K was like having 3K now and it was just no big deal to drop that kind of money.   I think of all the other stuff I could do with 30K like add a screened in porch, get rid of the damn white cabinets in my kitchen and upgrade appliances, take a trip overseas, pay down mortgage, etc.   The list could go on and on what I could do with 30K instead of buying a car to get to point A to point B.  Kevin’s damn fiscally wise personality was starting to look pretty sexy in a little used four door car.     It is not that I would not want a nice shiny new car, I just don’t want to sacrifice my life to have it.    Once I started to get over the sticker shock then you have the sales people to deal with that stalk you once you step foot on their lot.

 

I can’t stand sale tactics and I can’t hide my facial expressions that show it.   I hate when the car sales folks ask questions like what kind of payment do you want? and what color do you like best?    I like green and keeping it. Great now I am starting to be the fiscally wise one. When did that happen?  What happened to sexy?

The salesman seems to think they just need to put you in that car and just drive it you will have to buy it then because it is so awesome.  No I don’t want to test drive it until I know that I want to buy it and getting me to drive it isn’t going to make me fall in love with it and that I have to have it at all costs.  I have stuff to do.  I don’t have hours to waste for you to convince me I need that car.    No thank you.  Just give me your bottom line and if that is not what I am willing to pay then no harm no foul move on to your next sales victim.  

The sales people we encountered yesterday reminded me of vultures.   At one point while I was looking at cars I wanted to turn around and tell the guy to stop following me and if I see one I need more information on I will come and ask you.     What was worse is this same salesman was followed closely behind by another salesman.  It seems Kevin asked another salesman a question and I am not sure how car salesman law works if the salesman that asks “can I help you” first or the one that answered the question  gets the sale.  I don’t know and really didn't care.  It was just annoying.  Say anything and they both would pounce on me.   One salesman kept pointing out stupid crap like the “wonderful color, power steering, and  power locks”.    It took everything in the world I had NOT to say one of the following: “ooh fancy,  they must call you Captain Obvious, no really that is what the button on the steering wheel is for “.    I guess the look I gave him probably conveyed all that I wanted to say, but didn't because he looks at me and ask “what kind of features are you looking for?”   I look at him and say “stop, go, and very cheap”.  I traded sexy for cheap at the first sticker I saw.    Then the guy really does ask  me next if  I am looking for a certain color.  I would have given 10 points for sarcasm, but he was completely sincere.  Yes Captain Obvious it must not only stop, go and be cheap it must be cherry red.   I was nice and just said no and said “ let’s put it this way the car I am driving now it still has manual locks and windows”.    At this point a good salesman would then realize that in order to make the sale he better find a car that he can give us a really good deal on.  He pointed out several of the “best deals on the entire lot”.     The experience of car shopping reached an entire new level at the next dealership.   We are looking at this particular dealership who runs ads about their certified trade in’s and the salesman is even talking to us about how they make sure every car they sale is top notch.  We find a possible candidate the price is ok and little more mileage then I wanted, but does have a little of that rugged sex appeal.  Kevin is checking out the third row seat that was folded down on itself in the SUV and discovers an unusually large cache of car fresheners.    I am sure the same thought that just crossed your mind was the same one that went threw mine.  A lot of car fresheners = dead body.    I may watch too many shows like CSI and Law and Order.

I have no clue where Kevin and I go from here.  I guess keep looking and find something not to cheap and not too expensive.  At least now when I see my husband driving down the street in a beat up sedan I will think...."Ohhhh that is one fine sexy fiscally responsible man".