Crazy is in the Eye of the Beholder - Jacksonville, Florida
Have you ever stopped to think about how often we use the word “crazy” to describe a person or a situation? Crazy is a word that can be used fun lovingly or mean and demeaning. The word, no matter what the person’s intended use may be, its interpretation is based on ones personal frame of reference. If you turn to Merriam-Webster it is defined in the following three ways:
b (1) : impractical(2erratic
c : being out of the ordinary : unusual
3 a : distracted with desire or excitement
b : absurdly fond : infatuated
c : passionately preoccupied : obsessed
Despite Merriam-Webster’s attempt to define crazy, it is a word whose meaning can only be defined by you. It’s definition is one that can be dynamic and evolves based on experiences. My definition of crazy changed in a very unexpected way when I attend (for a third time) Theresa Caputo’s , Long Island Medium, Live Experience in Jacksonville, Florida (4/22/2018).
I had watched Theresa’s show for years, but I had not considered attending one of her Live Events. I never felt that I need to connect with any of my loved ones that had passed away, until she came to Savannah, GA in October 2014. It was the sudden death from an unknown illness of my niece earlier that year, on April 1, 2014, that led me to attend for the first time. My heart was broken and my soul was filled with loss and grief.
I had such an incredible and special relationship with my niece. She was the only child of my older brother and only sibling. My brother had joined the Air Force at the age of 18 and was married with a child by 19. He and his wife divorced when my niece was about 9 months old and before she was even one her mom had remarried to another man in the Air Force, whom she subsequently was having an affair with while married to my brother.
After I graduated from college I made the decision to move from my home state of WV to Charleston, SC where my brother was stationed. I made the move for several reasons that included better job opportunities, to help out my brother, and more importantly to be closer to my niece. My niece was only 3 years old when I moved. The adventures and memories that my niece and I made together in the 17 years that followed could fill a book. We built a bond that words fail to describe.
My niece had to deal with a significant amount of stress growing up, more than any kid should ever have to endure. She was constantly having to cope with her father and step-father being deployed to the Middle East, having to relocate and change elementary schools at least 4 times, a messy divorce between her mother and step-father when she was 11, and adjusting to another stepfather at 15. My niece’s mother would often use love and guilt as away to manipulate and control people in her life to get what she wanted. Her mother created a very emotionally toxic environment for my niece and her half-sister to grow up in. The relationship my niece and her half sister had/have with their mother was/is tumultuous often filled with harsh words with periods of love and adoration. All I could do for her was to be a source of support and unconditional love. Her stability in unstable world. Despite my personal feelings that I harboured for her mother, I never said anything negative about her in front of my niece, nor did my brother, because she was her mother and she loved her. We knew one day she would realize for herself the type of person she was/is and have to come to terms with their relationship.
My niece made the decision to join the Army, shortly after graduating from High School, something that her mother was very much against. The Army gave her the freedom, time and the opportunity to become the person she wanted to be. She was finally able to live life on her own terms and not on her mothers; with that came an understanding of the relationship she had with her mom. To my nieces credit she had sought out counseling to learn how to accept, forgive, and move past the toxic relationship she had with her. She was dedicated to finding a way to build a relationship with her that was healthy for both her and her half-sister. She was making her own path in this world, when she suddenly became ill with an unknown virus that damaged her lungs and stopped her heart 18 days away from her 21st birthday.
Her death left behind so much grief and all those emotions that come when someone you love unconditionally is suddenly gone from your life. My brother burdened with the memories of having spent the last half of his 20 year military career in a war zone, was now left having to bury his only daughter. When I learned that Theresa was coming to Savannah after my niece passed away, I had to go. I needed to go, not just for me to know she was ok and at peace, but I needed to go for my brother. I wanted some message from her that would make things easier on him, for me, for all of us she left. I asked him to go with me, but he declined for his own personal reasons. I attended the event with my mother and we both had high hopes of Theresa giving us a message from my niece, but there wasn’t one. I will admit I was let down, but I did leave thinking a random comment Theresa had made during the show was sign from my niece.
Despite no direct message from Theresa that October, when I learned she was going to be in Jacksonville, Florida in 2016, I was going. I figured now that my niece had had “time” being a spirit she was going to be able to be heard better, convinced this time I would get a life changing message to give to my brother. Nope. Once again I got no direct message from Theresa, and left let down and disappointed. On the drive home I thought about the messages that Theresa had given to others and that is when I realized why there was no direct message from my niece. I have no guilt or regrets of the time I was able to spend with my niece here on earth, and neither did my brother, or my mother. We are not burdened with guilt and the “what if’s” that so many people that attend Thereas’s show have. She left this world knowing that we loved her and that she loved us. My niece had this amazing incredible heart and compassion for people and animals. It only made sense if she was there she would be trying to help some other spirit get a message through to someone that truly needed it and potentially save their lives.
Despite my revelation as to why there was no direct message from Theresa, when I found out she was coming to Jacksonville again in April of 2018 I got tickets again. My buying tickets for a third time and hoping to finally get a message from my niece, while seemed crazy to my husband, has nothing to do with my evolution of the definition of crazy, that started when I was about to walk out the door for Jacksonville.
What I failed to mention earlier is when I graduated from college it was with a Bachelors of Science in Geology. I love rocks. I have three kids ages 13,11, and 7 and have gone many times to their school classrooms to talk about rocks. It just so happens a few months earlier, I had spoken to my son's 5th grade class (he and my niece were like two little peas in a pod) and I had collected various type of rocks/minerals to give to the kids to start their own rock collections. One of the rocks that I had left over was a teardrop shaped piece of obsidian that is also known as “Apache Tears” (Please do an internet search or follow link below for clarification and details for why they are named Apache Tears). The metaphysical properties of the rock are believed to help deal with grief and heal from trauma. Just as I am about to leave for Jacksonville, I suddenly had the overwhelming feeling that I had to bring one of these Apache Tears with me, because someone needed it. It is as this point I started an internal argument with myself that I was just being crazy and it was just because of the meaning associated with the rock that I thought I needed to bring it along. In an effort to save the time it would have taken to argue with myself I just grabbed the rock and put it my purse.
So now here I sat in packed theater for a third time with a rock in my purse, waiting for Theresa to come on to the stage. I just kept thinking to myself that I had officially lost my mind. Why did I bring this rock? I am surrounded by people that could use a rock that is believed to help heal grief. How would I know who to give this rock to? I don’t have any kind of psychic abilities and I don’t talk to dead people. I take that back, I talk all the time to dead people, my niece, Uncle David, Dad, Granny, and Aunt JoJo. I just don’t have dead people coming and talking to me.
Upon Theresa making her entrance on to the stage I was still hopeful that I would get a message from niece , but I was more anxious about the rock and feeling like I needed to give it to someone. Theresa began the event and started talking to spirit and passing messages on to love ones and I listened intently for some indication that this was the person to whom I was supposed to give the rock. It was getting close to the time for her to end the night when I finally declared that I was crazy. The weird and totally nuts kind. Despite her having spoken directly to many people I just didn’t get a feeling of “ yes this is the person” , and now the event was coming to an end, but then there was the last person she spoke to directly
The last person Theresa spoke with that evening was a women who had witnessed the murder -suicide of her son and sister. The women with was seated two sections behind me and a few rows away from the entrance into the lobby area. There was something familiar about this women, like I knew her from somewhere, but of course I didn’t. As the two women spoke, I could feel the anger, grief, sorrow, and defeat that this woman was feeling. I was then so overwhelmed with the feeling that this was the woman who the rock belonged to. Theresa started making her way back to the stage, while still speaking to this women, and at one point was standing right next Ato me. In effort to confirm that I was not crazy I asked my niece in my head to do some spirit yelling and jumping up and down to get Theresa’s attention and to ask her to give the rock to the woman. I like to think that since it was time for the event to end that she didn’t really have time to deal with my niece trying to get her attention, nevertheless both Theresa and my niece just left me still holding the rock thinking I had lost my mind.
As the theater lights went up I decided to just roll with my crazy. I asked my husband, who had attended the event with me, to keep a lookout for the women Theresa had just spoken with. He paused for a moment looking around at the approximate 2, 500 people that had attended the event, that were now filling out the exit doors, and responds with “ Umm Ok, but I doubt we will see her, this place is crowded”. Since the women was sitting so close to the lobby I made my way to the exit that she would have left from. My logic was if I ran into this women, then she really was the one that was meant for the Apache Tear. I made my way up the aisle to pass by where the woman had been sitting and was surprised to see her still seated with the friends she had come with in an otherwise completely empty theater section.
I was nervous about approaching the women, the last thing I wanted was to have her think I was some lunatic and yell at me. My heart was pounding, but I knew one thing for certain if I was crazy or not, I knew if I didn’t give her the rock I would regret it and always be left wondering if I should have.
I went down an empty row in front of her to the seat where she was sitting. I don’t think I even said Hi to the Women, and I am pretty sure the first words out of my mouth was something to the effect “you are going to think I am crazy, but I feel like I am supposed to give this to you’’. I reached out and gave her the rock and started mumbling about being a Geologist and before I could tell her about the rock she cuts me off and says “I know exactly what this is! This is an Apache Tear right ?”. I told her it that it was. I was taken back by the fact she knew all about Apache Tears, it is not like this is a rock that everyone knows about. She had this look of a mix of shock, comfort, relief, and faith all at once on her face and then proceeds to tell me that her sister was an Apache Indian!! In the moment I had reached out and handed the rock, when our hands touched and eyes met you could feel almost like a surge of emotion or energy. It was a connection of sorts that was made between us. I can’t really explain just how profound and extraordinary it was, other than nothing else was need to be said between us. I can’t remember if I even said in said goodbye to her or just walked away.
She needed for me to give her the rock, just as much as I needed to give it to her. Despite the different reasons why were both had come to see Theresa that night, I like to think that we were both leaving with more peace and strength than we came with and knowledge that no matter how isolated grief makes us feel, we are not alone. It was up to us to make the most of whatever time we have left.
There you have it. People may read this and really think I am crazy, however It doesn’t matter to me, I am happy to be called crazy..now. Just like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is crazy.
Oh, and yes I have gotten tickets to see Theresa when she comes to Savannah on June 23.
Link To Apache Tear Legend:
http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/Apache_Tear_Drop-Apache.html
No comments:
Post a Comment